Lonely, Shy, Self image

Honestly, there's nothing worse than the feeling of loneliness. It engulfs us even in a room full of the most loud, talkative people. Truthfully, I've found myself to feel lonely due to the intensity of my shyness. Never accept it. Never let someone else's words influence your own actions. Do you know why I'm shy? It's because I have low self-confidence and self-esteem. My mind set has been like this for as long as I can remember. Everything someone says or acts towards me affects me. I'm afraid of what others will think of me. I'm drifting away from my old friends. How I view myself is the worst. I say that I hate when others put themselves down, but I do it the most. Although I'm not the type to speak it out loud, I think about all the time. People wonder why I don't get dressed up ever or wear makeup or have those days when I just want to feel pretty. I say it is because I'm a tomboy, or that I have no one to get dressed up for. Consequently nobody knows its because I believe that no matter how much makeup I wear or the clothing trends I follow, I won't look pretty. I never liked my body, my face, my skin, or my hair. I hang around some of the most beautiful girls, inside and out, yet it only makes me feel worse about myself. I constantly put myself down about not reaching the highest grades of the class, or scoring "badly" on a test. I never believe I'm good enough for anything or anyone. I hope someday this can all change and I'll like myself for who I am.